Thursday, February 21, 2008

moving on...?


well... I have been avoiding posting for some time now. I hope you enjoyed seans shenanigans. I feel strange posting something new. It feels like just moving on to the next thing. When the truth is, I am still so sad and having such a hard time. We are very poor, don't have a place to call our own, sean is now waiting tables at night, no insurance, and all i want is a baby. Reality is that Im just going to have to wait. The mall i work at is apropriately nick named, "strollerbriar." Every where i turn there are babies. It seams a lot of my friends are pregant, and I really am so happy for them, I wish i was pregnant with them. Our finances and my anxiety are not making this trial any easier.

I cringe when people tell me i need to trust God. While i know that it is true... I can't reconcile the fact that he gave me something that made me the happiest i have ever been and then took it all away. I really do believe that He is good and will be faithful, but I'm walking a tight rope everyday. Somedays i know that sean and i will be mommy and daddy and that our baby has a great home in heaven, and other days i am depressed and cant even begin to think about it.

I really don't like it when people post a list of their problems. I guess thats what Im doing now though. I know that there are a number of you that i haven't returned phone calls to, Im sorry i really do want to but, to be honest i am just not up for talking about this, and i know that it will come up. But please know that i really appreciate your calls. I wanted to update every one because we really need your prayers.

16 comments:

Catherine said...

Katie,

I was thinking about you and Sean yesterday for some reason and wondering how you were doing. Thanks for posting and being so transparent with the things you're struggling with.

So sorry that you're having a rough time. Life is sometimes so hard.

Will be praying for you both.

:)
C

Michelle said...

Katie, I admire your honesty. Thank you.
I hope your pain subsides. I'm sorry... (man, words can be so lame sometimes.)

Bekah said...

Katie...One thing ive always loved about you is how open you are...its truly a gift. Thank you for sharing your struggles...you have been on my heart and I am praying for you...I cant even imagine what you are going through...but ust know that we are all behind you and sean...praying for you and loving you...

Bekah said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jessica Rockey said...

I totally don't get it, Katie. I'm so sorry for the loss your are experiencing. If I just think I'm pregnant and the test is negative, I struggle with that weird sense of disappointment. I've thought of you alot and prayed for you... I know God is faithful, but sometimes it just doesn't feel like it. You and Sean will be great parents... I look forward to that day, friend.

Ginger said...

thanks for posting Kate-I am glad you are honest in letting us know how you are. Id love to chat about nothing important if that would lift your spirits. I really miss you and think about you all the time. I know you know God is faithful-I just pray for more days that you truley deeply know, those days are helpful. Mark and I love you and Sean so much--we'll keep praying for you both. talk soon-

The Smith Family said...

Kates,
Wish I could just get on a plane (with a batch of sugar cookies of course:)).. and come down and wrap my arms around you and cry with you, pray with you, and just be with you! I love you so much sweetheart and am praying for you and Sean. Thanks for sharing from your heart.
Love you more than words can say,
Jenny

Barbara said...

hey my little huss....
i'd like to hop on that plane too. your words mean a lot, and i'm pretty sure all those who love you desire deeply that their words could make you feel better. and I suspect they do.
you are much loved by many little friend. but you know that as much as we all love you, your Father loves you immeasureably more...doesn't feel like it right now, but know in that big heart of yours that He does...
Waffle lovers unite!!!!!!!!!!!

Billie said...

Aunt Jenny said all the words I want to say. (except the sugar cookies because I would never step into that ring with her) I love you Kates. I have no special words, but I would hug you if you were close. When I think about God's faithfulness in your life through the years my trust in Him grows for my own trials and for the ones you are now experiencing. Call me ANYTIME you want to chat. I love you, miss you and will continue to pray for you.

hosanna said...

katie j
i love you and am praying for you!

Mrs. K. V. Battaglia said...

I Just cried reading everyone's posts and I'm not even the one they are writing to! I hope you feel loved today Kates. I love you dearly and think about you every day.

Judy said...

Hey Katie!!! I'm so sorry to hear your still so sad. It's completely normal though. You experienced a loss & you're grieving... It takes time to grieve. I STILL get mad & sad about my miscarriage. Anyway, I wish I had something profound to say, but I'm a loser, so I don't. You'll get through it, I promise. :) Love ya girl.

Jennifer said...

Katie- although I'm not in your position I can relate to God giving something good and then taking it away. I can relate to financial struggles and challenges. I am praying that you would feel God's nearness. I know you know His truth. I know it too and sometimes it doesn't help when people try and shove it down your throat :) What I will pray is that God will continue to comfort you. To heal your broken heart. To show you His love is powerful and amazing. I pray that God will give you the desire of your heart. You are on my mind and in my prayers.

Lifting you up,

JL

Nelly said...

I am praying for you Katie and Sean. In scripture it says, "He stores up your tears in a bottle". One day, there will be no more sorrows or anxieties, and all our tears shall surely be wiped dry. Remember that he knows every little pain you are feeling...He was, after all, the Man of Sorrows. He is well aquainted with suffering. He alone can understand every part of your pain. He will carry you through to the end! His word is trustworthy and true, his promises will not leave you dissappointed or ashamed. I do not know how we would face any trial in our lives without Christ in our lives.
I love you Katie, Nel Smith

Sara said...

Katie,

I pray you will know today that your tears do not fall on empty soil but that they are held in the palms of the everlasting father. I love you katie and wish I could come hug you and cry with you. I trust you know that people are not trying to shove truth down your throat but often times words are so hard to find (and sometimes not necessary) but the only thing they know for certain is that HE is GOOD and FAITHFUL. Love you both and I will not stop carrying you on my heart. Love, Sara

LiAnn said...

Katie-
I kind of don't want to write something just to write something, but I do want you to know that I have thought of you and Sean often. :( Hang in there gurl...

Love ya...