May 20th was sean and I's 2 year aniversary. These 2 years have been crazy. So much has happened that it feels like, 2 years... thats all!
Two years ago, on May 25th, we ended our honeymoon with the news that my brother, who i love so much, had passed away. Ryan was my older brother and though physically he could have never protected me, I always felt taken care of by him. I know that sounds strange because he needed so much care. I always new that he loved his baby sister so much. And I loved being his baby sister. Its nice not to have horror stories about him, like being pinned down and getting a loogie spat in my mouth, or waking up to a fart in my face, or being bitten in my arm with teeth marks to prove it, thanks Kris! Although I do recall one time making Ryan really mad, he chased me around in his wheelchair and actually pinned me into the corner! Ha! Ryan and I were at home alone together a lot. He watched me and i took care of him whenever mom ran to Prevo's (the local grocery store, no joke, my mom went there every day!). I think we ended up sitting around and entertaining each other. I was a skinny little thing that could never hold my self together, i was always called a wet noodle. Ryan would tell really corny jokes, just like my dad. But, they always made me laugh, I would do this sloppy, laughy dance thing that would him laugh. There was a lot of laughter between me and Ryan in our years on Cherry Road.
To say the least, it was heart wrenching to lose him. I miss him very much.
Since then, there have been so many ups and so many downs. Sean and I got shoved into reality asap. The "honeymoon phase" wasn't all bliss for us. Things aren't horrible now, but the move to Texas has been so difficult. Losing the baby was and still is so hard.
Looking back is good. I told Sean that for the hell that we have been through... I would rather go through hell any day with him, than have a perfect life without him. I can't begin to tell you how much I love him. I still can't believe I get to spend the rest of my life with him!
Lover, you are my love. Thank you for being who you are. My heart is at home with you, I have never felt so safe. I love you so much.
Ry, I miss you. Sean can't explain Star Wars to me nearly as well as you could, so I've just given up listening to him. We did watch Braveheart the other night. It made me miss you even more.
Everyone else, Its good to talk a little about Ryan. Its hard living in a place where no one knew him. Thanks for listening.